Monday, May 31, 2004

Okay, perhaps Hello may take a little getting used to. This isn't exactly how I envisioned my post. But, if I had been able to post photos a few weeks ago, I woulda been a contenda. These are from the ancient pattern books I inherited from Pman's Grammy, and let me tell you, nobody has it over Pman's family for atrocious fashion sense. (I think he was adopted.) Actually, being dressed in these awful things might explain a bit about the Pman's sibs. They're pretty atrocious, too. I added the gratuitous Isa pic in there to give you something to rest your poor shocked eyeballs on.

This is bad karma in action. What did I do to be responsible for such a lovely girl? Posted by Hello

Fishnet is for legs, and legs ONLY. Posted by Hello

Someone's going to Hell for this one. Posted by Hello

What a wonderful way to display your patriotism. Does the one in the middle come with a tank, or anything? Posted by Hello

Now we know why Sargent Pepper's heart was so lonely. Posted by Hello

Wouldn't one of those plastic rainhats be easier? Posted by Hello

Cute baby. Too bad her mom could only afford to dress her in rugs. Posted by Hello

Wednesday, May 26, 2004

I've been working for like four hours on this stupid template, and it looked so great in the preview, and now it's a steaming pile of crap.

I'm going to bed. The next few days'll be busy, so if this really bothers you, clearly the universe placed me in your life to teach you how to chill the fuck out.

Tuesday, May 25, 2004

The Beatings Will Continue Until I Find My Goddamned Photo Software 

A - Age: 25.
B - Band listening to right now: Leona Naess.
C - Career future: Ready Teddy? Designs.
D - Dad's name: Tim.
E - Easiest person to talk to: Myself.
F - Favorite song: Brown-Eyed Girl, Van Morrison.
G - Gummy Bears or Gummy Worms: S'Mores.
H - Hometown: Seattle, WA.
I - Instruments: Knitting Needles.
J - Job: Stand-Up Gal.
K - Kids: Isabel, Alice and Teddy. (Yeah, so I was channeling Austen. Do you want your gynecologist to be named Blaze? Please. I use my creativity elsewhere.)
L - Longest car ride ever: Denver, CO to Seattle, WA. 25 hours. My mom made me share the driving even though I had just gotten my permit. Rock on, Mom!
M - Mom's name: Beth.
N - Number of people you’ve slept with: More than Princess Di, less than Madonna. Probably.
P - Phobia[s]: My kids being hurt or killed.
Q - Quote: "Fortune favors the bold."
R - Reason to smile: I got a new tattoo today. I know it's wrong, but I love traipsing in there with my soccer-mama self and asking Isabel to hold my handbag while I get ink done.
S - Song you sang last: I Tried To Rock You, But You Only Can Roll, Leona Naess.
T - Time you wake up: This question assumes I sleep and is therefore irrelevant.
U - Unknown fact about me: I imagine there is absolutely nothing you don't know about me, if you've been paying attention. Or just ask.
V - Vegetable you hate: Tomatoes.
W - Worst habit: Self-righteousness.
X - X-rays you've had: Who cares. I'm officially past my child-bearing years, so I'm working on my GP to prescribe me some speed, which, as everyone knows, you don't need x-rays for.
Y - Yummy food: Cherries.
Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn, technically. I'm on the cusp between that and Aquarius, so I'm getting a new sign made for me, So Not Fucking Kidding About The Crazy, translated into Greek, and the symbol will be a stylized middle finger. I just hope they get it done before I need a new tattoo.

So can this be any surprise?

gi joe
You're GI Joe with the Kung Fu Grip!! You're
strong, tough, and know how to kick some ass.
Don't forget though, no matter how manly you
think you are, you're still just a doll. God
Bless America.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Monday, May 24, 2004

The Gospel According To Wooliemama 

Commandment I: Thou shalt remember thy Bombeck, and keep her holy.

Commandment II: Thou shalt accept thy multiple children as a reminder that thine spouse still wants to fornicate with thee, even after thou lost thy figure.

Commandment III: Thou shalt remember to sacrifice thine children's entertainment for thine own sanity, especially on the Sabbath.

Commandment IV: Thou shalt accept that no experience is entirely evil if thou learns from it, even when explaining to thine offspring why they shalt not tell people they want a bitch for Christmas.

Commandment V: Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's lifestyle. Thine neighbor will get what's coming to him.

Commandment VI: Thou shalt condemn those who worship false idols, such as Dr. Ferber, Barney, and George W. Bush.

Commandment VII: Thou shalt train thy children to be the leaders of the rebel forces.

Commandment VIII: Thou shalt use the brain given to thou by God, even when thoroughly exhausted by repeated viewings of Scooby-Doo.

Commandment IX: Thou shalt not forget to kick ass on thy family's behalf, when necessary.

Commandment X: Thou shalt love thy children, even when they act like assholes, and thine husband, even when he acts like one of thy children.

Commandment XI (Bonus Commandment): Thou shalt not be too hard on thineself. Thou art doing the very best thou can.

Wait for it...

okay, can I get an amen, sister?

So, here's the deal. This computer is now as clean as a whistle, baby, thanks to the heads up the girls at JenLa gave me. The thing that was so irritating me was some adware thingie that overlaid external hyperlinks on key words, which just plain irked me. I have a new photo hosting place, but I still can't find the software that came with the digicam, and none of the free ones I can find recognize my camera, so I can't post pictures. I still could put my banner and stuff up, but I plan on changing my template so why bother? I'll just consider myself under construction for now. What's taking so long is that the template I want was for diaryland, and thus did not make use of the space I've got. So I found the picture I want myself, and I just have to figure out how to make it not look like clipart or a vacation photo.

The good news? I'm seaming Deb. Then she'll have her debut, photogods willing. I'm on a sweater streak (I was organizing my yarn, and once I saw how much I really have, I've been sweatering away trying to make a difference in the pile.)So there should be much seasonally-inappropriate sweaty-love in your future, darlings.

Sunday, May 23, 2004

Don't you love it when I'm cryptic? Everything is fine. The computer Pman brought home is riddled with adware and spyware, and as you all know, I tend to be a bit exciteable in the morning, before I've had my first three Diet Cokes. I'm not on the run, I'm just a little too busy to make the changes to my blog that I want, but I am working on it little by little. Stay tuned, or at least check in once in a while.

And call your mom.

Tuesday, May 18, 2004

What the FUCK???!!! I never hyperlinked anything to the word Diet--it's some sort of linky spam. Fuckers! Boy, am I pissed. Is that legal?

Friday, May 14, 2004

My soon-to-be-orphaned son poured Diet Coke all over the laptop. Pfffft!

Apparently Pman's wig is big enough that his boss has let him bring home a computer from work.

The computer is dead! Long live the computer!

I hate this tendency of my children to use my favorite things against me; my dear, dear Diet Coke used as a medium of destruction, and not five minutes ago, Isabel brought me the most mangled knitting needle since EZ used one as an outboard motor pin.

Not to mention the havoc wreaked by my innocent lipsticks and nail polishes. What harm has lipstick ever done anyone? On second thought...

Maybe it's the true curse of Eve...

Thursday, May 13, 2004

So I'm changing my template, and I have five prospective skins. Rather than display them all, tell me: fresh, funny, sexy, dirty or soaring. Vote now! Okay, well, comment, anyway. Now!

Wednesday, May 12, 2004

Does the entire world have spring fever? Seems more like vernal leprosy to me. Nothing motivates me to start new projects (or better yet, do absolutely nothing) than being on a deadline.

Did I seem a tad overreactive about Anonymous, our Village Idiot? Well, caffeine makes me a much nicer person, but really, Oscar Wilde he's not, and it's my blog and I can be nasty if (and when) I wanna be.

Have you heard Leona Naess yet? I always feel like I'm sadly tardy to the party but I may be her vanguard in my little corner of the world. Unfuckingbelieveable. I bought I Tried To Rock You But You Only Roll on the strength, of all things, Amazon's recommendation. That, and the kickass album title. I have a weakness for clever things done to tired turns of phrase.

Clearly, if I were a superhero, my superpower would be tongue twisters.

I've been peeking into the dusty back corners of the Internet for a template I can stay married to. Thank heavens I have a blog I can tweak when I feel the need to change my vibe, or else I'd be bald from all the radical things I'd have done to my hair. (I have a history of spontaneous, dramatic hair changes. Seriously, I had my ex cut my hair once because I couldn't get to the salon until the next day and that was not soon enough. We were still married at the time, of course. Best haircut I ever had.)So there will be changes around the old way station...

Tuesday, May 11, 2004

Whoa. New Blogger shit freakin' me out, dude.

So, good news, everybody! Wooliemama has its First Official Village Idiot: some person cleverly named Anonymous has been leaving snarky comments for me, intelligently hidden in weeks-old posts. I had no idea there was a "creep" button on Haloscan for your average crabby stupid person. I sure would be surprised to find that Anonymous spelled his name all by himself, just like a big boy. What's the matter, Anonymous? Is the knitting too revolutionary for you? Perhaps it offends you that I don't feel that men or women should be prisoners of their biology? Or am I being too pushy, insisting that women not be forced to live only for their offspring? Whatever it was that got you, Anonymous, I've seen sharper commentary on a box of Cheerios. Am I really that frightening over the Internet that leaving your name on your mildly irritating comments was too risky? Don't be afraid, Anonymous--you would need a much better grasp of grammar before I would even consider hunting you down. Besides, I have reason to believe that your kind tend to take care of themselves. That's the whole reason the Darwin Awards were created! I have never been so vaguely insulted in all my life, Anonymous. Didn't your English teachers always tell you to be specific? Or did you not make it far enough in school to have a whole English class? Do you think I'm talking about those stuck-up foreign people right now, Anonymous? I'm bitchy, opinionated, pushy, occasionally amoral, hotheaded, glib and impatient. The term "sarcastibitch" does spring to mind. So, Anonymous, the next time you feel the need to voice your timid criticism, keep in mind that you're too stupid for me to listen to, and you may instead write a 500-word essay on one of my afore-mentioned qualities, to be turned in on Monday.

Spelling and punctuation count, dumbass.

Monday, May 03, 2004

I have been sorely neglectful, both of my blog and my knitting.

Here is my progress on Deb:

I have one sleeve left to go. I love finishing the front, knowing that the last sleeve is all downhill.

I feel crappy today. Not ill, but guilty. I don't know what I did wrong. It's more anticipatory guilt, like I'm gonna get it when Mom gets home, but I don't know for what. I didn't blow money on yarn, my house is clean-ish-I just don't know what I did. How ridiculous.

My feminist fervor is on the back burner for the time being. Last weekend one of those sticky interpersonal situations arose with a good male friend, me and my breasts, and I think the best thing to do is just not think about it right now. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure out what I think about something.

My friend Theresa had a baby boy on Tax Day, Thompson, weighing in at 8 lbs., 15 oz. That seems so tiny to me now, and we passed him around on Saturday night like, well, like a group of people remembering when their own kids were new. Is there anything better, as a parent, than walking into a house and handing someone your baby, knowing he'll be fine until he ends up in your arms again? (No.) So I'd better get crackin' on his baby sweater.

I'll post again later when I've mined some direction out of my day.

Westley / The Dread Pirate Roberts

Which Princess Bride Character are You?
this quiz was made by mysti

You can call me The Dread Pirate Roberts any day.

Or you can just call me Ray-Ray.